Stealy Yocashington
The candidate for VP Finance YOU can trust.
The candidate for VP Finance YOU can trust.
Hi, my name is Stealy Yocashington and I am pleased to announce that I am running for VP Finance in UBC's 2020 AMS election.
I am running for VP Finance for one reason and one reason only: I want to steal yo cash. I fucking love money, and since you idiots are happy to give it to an organization with no real system of accountability and a pool of apathetic voters, I figure I can just start taking shit and nobody will notice!
Unlike that hack Will Moneybags who can't even steal from a free trial (how hard is it to set up a fake credit card?) I have been stealing things my whole life. Hell, I jacked the code for this website and pumped it full of stock photos I don't even close to have the usage rights for and you idiots probably didn't notice and absolutely didn't care. Ever wonder why the residence dining halls have signs telling you not to take the cutlery? Sorry, couldn't hear you from atop my fucking mountain of spoons.
While other candidates will try to woo you with fancy language and promises they have no intention of keeping, you can trust that if I get elected I will do everything in my power to just steal as much shit as I can get my grubby paws on. Money equals happiness, and as a representitave for the Make A Wish foundation once said "you didn't just steal that seven year old's set of plane tickets, you stole his last chance at joy". Disneyland rocks by the way, and you can tell the Mickey Mouse actor his costume's head is on Craigslist.
Because the AMS is just an expensive joke